Sunday, January 26, 2014

I'm Dead, I'm Dead! I've Died! I'm Dead!

Yes, the title to this blog is an overreaction, but that is what I do!

Hello readers, how are you?
I am sure you all have had near death experiences concerning food, (yeah, still overreacting...) but I can't help but to think I have one about every day.

For breakfast, I had a bowl of raisin bran. The bowl was mostly crumbs. Thanks to the holes in my tonsils, (given to me by a wretched bout of tonsillitis), one of the itty bitty little crumb pieces got stuck in one of said holes (More like pockets, now that I think of it...) and poked, tickled, and scratched at my throat! Though I was convinced that I was experiencing the final moments of my life, I am pretty sure my mom knew I would live. She offered to get the tweezers and to pull that deadly piece of bran from my throat, but I declined her heroic offer. I know where those tweezers have been! Plucking splinters out of dirty feet, that's where. Though we have washed them, no thank you! Lol! Plus, I was sure the bran would only keep breaking into smaller pieces.

I decided to show you all an overly dramatic, dramatization of what happened. Acting in the role of me, is my stick figure Bob. (Of course, who else would I choose?)

This is gross, but my mom had to pluck things out of my throat before! I had a popcorn kernel stuck in the very same tonsil pocket a couple years ago, and after an hour of me trying to get that kernel out by gargling and eating bread, mom saved us from a deadly popcorn tragedy with her trusty tweezers! Ha ha ha...

Remember this sweet looking candy? Every kid had to have one! Well, I was probably six years old when I inhaled a bunch of this candy's delicious powder. Holy cow, I thought I was going to die! My parents had to stop buying me the evil little treat, because every time, I would cough out powdery clouds of sugary death!

Anyway, I have many other stories of nearly deadly food and drink incidents, like the time I accidentally inhaled my water when I hiccuped, and believed that my family would find me dead in an hour, for having accidentally drowned myself. All because I needed a drink.

Enough with these gruesomely true tales! But before I go, I feel I need to warn you to watch your back! *Cough, cough* I mean, watch what you put in your mouth! You never know when whatever it is your stuffing down your gullet, is going to attack!

Good day, my readers. *Turns off light, and shines flashlight in face, and whisperers* Beware!


  1. Its like taking your life into your own hands with every meal! Lol! Glad I could help! And that I'm not squeemish! :D

    1. I'm glad you're not squeemish, also! Lol or else that popcorn kernel might have ended me! Ha ha ha!

  2. I go through this all the time too. Sometimes I think I will die for sure, but so far I've eventually got the offending bit of food or water out. I really relate to this one Taylor!
    G'ma Bunker

  3. Two inch long sharp jagged potato chip scraping all the way down my esophagus...